Black Lives Here: Saying thanks and farewell after four years of writing the Black Lives Here column
By MIMI LILIEFELDT
I am going to start at the end: This will be the last column entry of Black Lives Here.
July marks the column’s four-year anniversary. Black Lives Here was created as a way to get to know our Black community members.
My theory was that for the world to be in harmony we needed connection. Connection comes from some kind of understanding about each other, it is rooted in trust, communication, and learning.
In 2020, when George Floyd was murdered, the division between races felt like it was at an all time high. (History will show that it was always in flux.) Like many, I was overwhelmed with sadness and fear. However, I was done with sitting by and doing nothing.
I was propelled to put my theory into action by starting in my own community. I set out to open the dialogue about race and hopefully build connections that would in turn create an inclusive and harmonious community.
Writing it has been an incredible experience of learning. As I look back on all the people I have met and revisit what they shared with me, I am filled with so much gratitude for the trust they put in me.
During our interviews that felt more like conversations, there were often key messages or moments that stuck with me. The words that naturally flowed out from our interviewees were deeply held truths or realizations that were released into being because someone was truly interested in their thoughts.
We don’t often receive this gift of true listening and yet it’s so important to really hear what our often-marginalized brothers and sisters have to say.
A moment I never forgot was when I spoke with Peter Gowdie in November 2020. I asked if he had any encounters with police and he said, “When I was younger, sometimes police would stop us. But, rightfully so, there was whole bunch of us Black guys in a car. Maybe it looked a little suspicious, I don’t know. I feel like it did…”
His voice then trailed off as he was speaking. When I ask why it would look suspicious, he shook his head and chuckled. “They’ve got me convinced.”
The reality was that we live inside these stereotypes whether we want to or not. We live in the fear of what others may or may not believe about us.
Darien List told me in September 2020, “I tell my children, ‘I’ve lived it. Whether they’re right or wrong, be respectful. Do whatever you can to come home safely. We have to work extra hard, be extra careful, and be extra aware of every situation we’re in. Be the change the world needs.’ My fear is everyday. The world we live in is not really designed for us.”
These statements may be hard truths to hear, but it doesn’t mean there’s not room for change. We are all responsible, this is not someone else’s issue. We all have opportunities to grow and make a difference.
Ingrid Palmer shared her incredible story with us in November 2021 and December 2021. In the December issue she said in reflection of all the amazing people that helped her through her journey, and to encourage anyone else to make that same kind of impact. “You’re planting a seed and watering it, but you don’t always get to see that flower bloom. You don’t always see the results of the work that you do but know that you are part of somebody’s growth process,” she said.
The message was ultimately that we don’t do it alone. Sometimes it might feel like it but there are always people in the background helping us move forward and grow in life. Some are teaching us something, some are holding our hand when it doesn’t work out and occasionally someone stands up and speaks out on our behalf.
In November 2023, I interviewed Zahra Dhanani, a woman who has built her entire existence on standing up for others. She said, “People have got to stop second guessing themselves that they can make a difference. Small actions can go a very long way. Take action. Do one small thing that will be in a positive direction towards community understanding, towards unification, towards more education around social justice. Just one step and it’s amazing what happens. I’ve seen miracles when you do just one little thing.”
This column was my one little thing, and though I won’t be writing it anymore I know my activism will continue. Because my actions weren’t just for George Floyd, and they weren’t just part of a trendy fad.
Racism is ongoing. The desire to feel like an equal member of society, and one who is safe in this world is ongoing. This shift towards true harmony takes risk.
In my very first column I reflected that I felt ashamed that I didn’t have the courage in my younger days to speak up, however since starting Black Lives Here I have forced myself to have some challenging conversations.
And here is the truth, standing up for what you believe in sometimes comes at a cost.
What I occasionally received was exactly what I was afraid of, defensiveness and discord, and then my own desire to alienate myself from the negative source. When you are facing up to people you care about, this result is devastating. The good fight is not for the faint of heart, but I believe when your heart is good you can dig deeper and find that part of you that won’t falter.
When my writing began, I noted that I didn’t often see myself reflected here, and now I can say that indeed “I” am here.
The courageous individuals that I spoke with and willingly opened their lives up for our observation were an extension of myself in many ways. Our experiences, our diversity, our struggles and triumphs were all versions of every one of us.
Do I still worry that I’m not Black enough? Sometimes, but I’m getting over it. The sense of belonging I so desired has emerged through the kinship I’ve developed with so many brave members of our community.
I’ve seen the apprehension on the faces of potential interviewees, the fear that they will be seen as difficult or ungrateful for speaking their truths, but I’ve also seen and heard their joy and relief after sharing their stories and having had our community shower them with love and support.
My hope is that we have all had our eyes opened and biases shifted through these four years. The dream is that the fears are quelled and that what it’s replaced with is more openness and compassion.
Not everyone is ready for real change, it is evident in their reluctance to get involved or to make any effort to learn. Their fear is what will change for them? As if there wasn’t enough goodness, opportunity and resources for everyone.
As a society we need to help each other move away from this mindset. How we show up for each other is by continuing to do the work, listen, and communicate. Maybe you pick up a book about anti-racism, perhaps you make an effort to support more Black businesses, or maybe you speak up the next time someone says something culturally inappropriate.
We lead by example. The goal was always for this column to be the first of many positive ripples of connection in our neighbourhood. And that those ripples would then spill out into the worlds outside of this small community.
I have bright new challenges on my horizon which is why I am metaphorically putting my pen down but for all those who shared their stories with us and for all those who continued to support and read this column, I thank you.
This quest for harmony is far from over. I have found my people, myself, and my answers through this endeavour. We are all connected, this is everyone’s fight, because we are one.
Peace and Love.
