Glenn Cochrane: Croquet tournament is a hit at Kew Cottage

I and the Wife and a host of other dedicated volunteers are poised to add another chapter to this area’s storied athletic history.

It doesn’t have the smash-mouth reputation of three-down football or six-person hockey, but on the other hand participants need clear eyes, steady hands and a willingness to take a gamble. I am talking generally about the sport of lawn croquet and specifically about the tournament which is being held Sept. 17 on the landscaped grounds surrounding the Gardener’s Cottage, which is located at the foot of Lee Avenue.

The setting is appropriate because all profits created by the event will be directed to a fund established to raise money for the general upkeep of the building. More information on this wonderful event is available on Page 24, so keep that date open because it promises to be a fun happening for the entire family.

And speaking of fun happenings, Sturdy Gert McCurdy is back in town with her latest love interest, a man of confused countenance named Baloney Bob Pickersgill.

Baloney Bob was not at his best during the visit mainly because Sturdy had rendered him unconscious with a blow to the forehead during the course of a friendly game of whist at the local Legion Hall. As a result he was quite content to sit quietly in the corner while Sturdy regaled us with details of her latest foray to the far north where she had been invited to adjudicate an icicle-throwing contest in the town of Knuckles.

She arrived smack in the middle of a scandal involving the mysterious disappearance of 500 pounds of blubber from the town freezer and naturally, she was invited to spearhead the investigation.

“It was the easiest case I ever solved,” she told us later. “I took the principal suspect into a secluded part of the forest and pummelled him with a series of left and rights to the rib cage and I got a confession in no time at all.”

This set off a wild celebration and Sturdy was guest of honor at a bonfire held in the town square. Unfortunately the bonfire was set next to the pile of icicles intended for use in the icicles-throwing contest, and this led to another dust-up. The icicles melted, of course, and organizers told Sturdy there was no money to pay her and she was free to go home whenever she wanted.

She was vexed no end by this turn of events, but she solved her problem by taking the treasurer into a secluded area and launching a series of rights and lefts to his abdomen. This caused the poor man to see the error of his ways, and as a result, she received her money plus a handsome performance bonus which he paid out of his own pocket.

Sturdy always did have a convincing way about her.

Once back in town, Sturdy took Baloney Bob on a tour of the town, showing him architectural highlights, such as the horse trough and Bailey’s Saloon, where the town council meets very second Wednesday rain or shine. She also introduced him to her many local friends, and he does seem like a pleasant fellow, although you can’t make much sense of what he says until his jaw heals. It seems it was broken during the course of a discussion with Sturdy. He also seems to be missing a tooth to two which has left him with a slight lisp which the townsfolk find quite appealing so I guess everything works out for the best.

Sturdy and her new best friend are embarking on a world tour soon and I hope to have some great stories to pass along when they return.

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