A few months ago, The Toronto Sun (unsolicited by Dianne or me) began dropping its Sunday paper on our front porch. This works well because The Globe and Mail, which we do subscribe to, does not publish on Sunday. Since The Sun is – how to put it – not as sophisticated as The Globe, this has helped give us a more rounded outlook on what goes on in our fair city.
For example, without The Sun, Dianne and I might not have been aware of the Ladies Lingerie Football League (LFL). What! You haven’t heard of it? Well listen up. According to The Sun’s two page colour spread, the LFL will premiere its Toronto franchise this fall. Our ladies will compete in the Eastern Conference against the Cleveland Crush, Philadelphia Passion, Baltimore Charm, Tampa Breeze, and Orlando Fantasy. And yes, it’s real football, not soccer. And yes, the ladies play it in colourful scanty intimates.
So, closer to home, here’s where my wife Dianne might fit in: As a student at Victoria College at U of T, she played on the Vic girls football team. She was a tight end. Her moment of glory came against Trinity College in the championship game at Varsity Stadium. Late in the fourth quarter with the score tied, she intercepted a pass deep in her own end.
“Run! Run!” screamed Milt Jewell, her coach, (and a Malvern grad by the way). Off she went down the sidelines with the whole Trinity team in hot pursuit and Milt running beside her shouting “You can do it! Keep going! You can make it!” The rest is history. She made it.
A Ladies Lingerie football team should welcome a famous tight end don’t you think? Dianne says she’ll consider trying out but worries that her end isn’t as tight as it used to be.
In the same issue, The Sun treated us to 11 colour pages of UFC, sometimes known as MMA. That’s Ultimate Fighting Championship and/or Mixed Martial Arts. Apparently, pretty much anything goes, so you get cuts, bruises, and blood all over the place. One man sported a bump on his forehead the size of a tennis ball. There is a referee whose main job, it seems, is to stop the fight just before one of the battlers is killed. A crowd of 55,000 crammed the Rogers Centre to see this, so it must be popular.
When I was a kid, a schoolyard fight always drew a big crowd. I had two fights, with my record being one draw and one loss. The loss was with a kid who called my grandfather the town drunk (which he was, but only some of the time). I got a bloody nose which ended that fight. The draw was with another kid who said I was hitting him on his sunburn which wasn’t fair. So he said we’d have to stop which we did. I thought I should have been declared the winner by a TKO (technical knockout). But the consensus was a draw. You can’t win them all (or any in my case).
Anyway, thank you Toronto Sun, for keeping us in the loop.
The most recent newspaper invasion occurred a week ago when yet another paper, The National Post, began its appearance on our front porch, again unsolicited. So, Globe, Sun, National Post, it’s always interesting. However, as the pile of papers reached epic proportions every week, we were happy that we own the largest size recycle garbage bin!
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